Last Sunday we talked about how a person can slay giants, conquer kingdoms, and achieve unprecedented external success. . . while being defeated within. It’s our hungers that so often destroy us from the inside-out. Our hunger for affirmation and importance. Our hunger for intimacy and delight. Our hunger for power and control.
**Not only did David’s hungers ruin his life, they affected everyone close to him.
A while ago Kelly Clarkson released her song “Piece by Piece.” She told Glamour what inspired her to write the song: “I had [my daughter] River, and even from holding her the first day, I was like, how could anyone walk away from that? Then I started thinking that my husband is such a great father. He's not an audience guy — he is onstage doing the work with me. He changes diapers, he stays up, and if I've had a late night, he'll wake up with her in the morning. We're definite partners, and I felt so lucky.” [see http://www.glamour.com/story/kelly-clarkson-piece-by-piece]
But Kelly’s own father wasn’t “so great.” When she was young, he walked out on the family. Throughout the song she’s singing to her father, “And all I remember is your back… Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past… I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you… Begged you to want me, but you didn't want to…”
In another part of the song she sings, “And all of your words fall flat… I made something of myself and now you wanna come back… But your love—it isn't free, it has to be earned… Back then I didn't have anything you needed, so I was worthless”
But then she sings about the kind of love she has found, in her husband… “But piece by piece he collected me… Up off the ground where you abandoned things, yeah… Piece by piece he filled the holes… That you burned in me at six years old… And you know, He never walks away… He never asks for money, … He takes care of me… He loves me… Piece by piece he restored my faith… That a man can be kind and a father should be… great.”
King David wasn’t a great father. He abandoned things. He burned holes in his children. He left them wounded. This might shock you, but we know from the Bible that David had at least seven wives, 19 sons, and one daughter. But this was just the tip of the iceberg. 2 Samuel 5:13 says, “David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron; and more sons and daughters were born to David.” We don’t really know how many children David had!
In the beginning, David wasn’t a great father. But in his later years, by God’s grace, David did become a better father. And that’s what I want to key into this morning… Throughout 1-2 Samuel we see these snapshots of what David learned, and how very slowly he became a “better” father.
First Snapshot: David Learned to Parent Through Loss.
Remember how David “saw” Bathsheba bathing from his rooftop. Then he “sent” for Bathsheba. Then he “slept” with Bathsheba, and she became pregnant. Then David attempted to “cover” his sin by having her husband Uriah killed? The Lord wasn’t pleased with David, and sent Nathan the prophet to “expose” David’s sin. David immediately confesses his sin and Nathan reassures David, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.”
What does this mean? “You are not going to die?” In the law penalty for adultery was death, and the penalty for murder was death. By the standard of the law, David was a double felon, deserving double death penalty. But God spared David the “punishment” he was due. Not only had God spared David’s physical life, but also his eternal soul. We know from Psalm 51 how relieved David was to receive grace!
But the tragedy is in what the Lord tells David: “David, you’re not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” (2 Sam 12:13-14). 2 Samuel 2:15 doesn’t mince any words. It says, “the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne David, and he became ill.”
If we could tear out one page of the story of David and throw it away, it would surely be this one! This seems like an awful story, why are we even talking about it? Why is it even in the Bible? How could God allow the guilty one to live (David), while the innocent one becomes ill and dies? It doesn’t make any sense.
One of the harshest realities we contend with in a broken world, is the suffering of innocence. Tragically, this is an everyday reality. Children born with alcohol fetal syndrome, crack babies, meth babies, through no fault of their own. Babies born with deformities, their life shortened because of environmental pollution. Children starving, orphaned, abused, enslaved, because of war. Babies who are never born because a mother chooses to abort the pregnancy. It’s often true, the innocent pays the greater price.
Sometimes parenting looks like 2 Samuel 2:16-17, “David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The Elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.”
Sometimes there are no easy answers. Sometimes the illness, the pain, doesn’t go away. Sometimes there isn’t miracle, healing. Sometimes circumstances don’t make theological sense—we find ourselves unable to reconcile our understanding of God’s goodness with the reality of suffering we see. Sometimes consequences can’t be reversed, and we must reap what we sow. David was distressed. Maybe he prayed, “It should have been me Lord. Why the child? Why not me?”
2 Samuel 2:18 says, “On the seventh day, the child died.” At first David’s attendants are afraid to break the news to him. They worry that if they tell him the news, he might do something “desperate.” But David figures it out! But oddly, 2 Samuel 12:20, “David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshipped. Then he went to his own house and at his request, they served him food, and he ate.”
When his attendants asked him why he was behaving this way David replied, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:21-23).
Sometimes parenting looks like 2 Samuel 12:23—regardless the tragic circumstances that caused the child’s suffering—the child is now with God. David realized, “I must move forward. The child will never come back to me. Rather, I will go to him. I will see him again in the Lord’s presence.”
This is exactly what Jesus expresses in Matthew 18:10 when he tells his disciples, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.” … “If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” We always treat that as a parable about evangelism, but it’s a parable about the eternal security of little children… abandoned, neglected… children tragically suffering because of man, but not forgotten… welcomed into the very presence of God.
For David, Gritty parenting was agonizing in prayer over the well-being. But it was also finding closure, embracing hope, knowing he was putting his seven-day old child into very hands of God, knowing he would one day see child in heaven…
Second Snapshot: David Learned to Parent through Grief
There are many types of grief, but here I am referring to the kind of grief God felt during the days of Noah, when “every inclination of man’s heart was only toward sin.” We’re told God was grieved (regretted) that he had man.
In 2 Samuel 12:11-12 the Lord tells David, “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight before all Israel.”
The issue for David is, how do you parent children so brazen and rebellious as to sin against their own father, their own mother, their own sister? Before Jerry Springer, there was David’s children. David’s children were so bad, other parents probably started counting their blessings, “maybe our kids aren’t so bad after all...”
In 2 Samuel 13, Ammon, the son of David, falls in love with his sister Tamar, and violates her. The Bible tells us that David was furious with Ammon, but did nothing about his sin. Afterwards, David’s daughter, Tamar, lived a desolate and disgraced life, alone in Ammon’s household, because of what he did to her. Tamar never recovered from the shame of her brother’s sin against her.
Absalom, the son of David, became furious with Ammon. He was angry at his father, for being so passive. So Absalom conspired to against his brother, got him drunk, and ordered his men to strike him down and kill him! Initially Absalom fled in fear. But 2 Samuel 13:39 were told, “King David longed to go to Absalom” 2 Samuel 14:1 says, “Joab, the son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart longed for Absalom.”
What’s going on here? Instead of letting Absalom face the consequences of his sin and rebellion, out of guilt, David keeps protecting and enabling him, shielding, protecting, coddling, excusing, deferring consequences … kicking the can down the road. What Absalom needed was tough love, to hear the truth, to be reined in. But David is blinded by his affection for Absalom.
Absalom had zero respect for King David. He is the one Nathan the prophet spoke of, when he said “one close to you will sleep with your wives in broad daylight before all Israel.” This is exactly what Absalom does. In 2 Samuel 15:1-6 Absalom conspires to overthrow David as King of Israel, winning over the hearts of the people. By the end of the chapter, David is forced to flee for his life. Could you imagine? Your son trying to usurp your kingdom? When David’s finally marches against Absalom, David has audacity give his men the order, “Be gentle with the young man.”
When one of David’s men finds Absalom caught in a tree, (hanging by his hair), even he is afraid to kill Absalom, fearing King David’s wrath. Finally, its Joab who takes matters into his hands, and runs a spear through Absalom.
But when King David finally hears the news he weeps, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!” David would rather forfeit all his kingdom, all his livelihood, his own family, his own men… everything out of partiality to Absalom.
Sometimes a parent is the very last to face hard truth about situation. That was certainly the case with David. For David parenting meant learning to deal with hard truths… sometime he never fully does with Absalom.
It’s Joab that once again intervenes. “Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. 6 You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. 7 Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.” What an extraordinary risk!
Third Snapshot: David Learned to Parent Through Humility
[HUMILITY to KEEP TEACHING] Proverbs… David taught Solomon wisdom. [SITCOM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER] It takes humility to teach from your life. Proverbs 6… Warning Against Adultery. “20 My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. 23 For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life, 24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman. 25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes. 26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life. 27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? 28 Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? 29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.”
1 Chronicles 28:9, “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.”
[HUMILITY to KEEP PRAYING] 1 Chronicles 29:10-19… David prayed for Solomon, passed on his faith. Solomon has David’s Heart…
[HUMILITY to KEEP TRUSTING] 2 Chronicles 1:7-12, SOLOMONS REQUEST… Jesus, “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.”
Ecclesiastes… Solomon still possessed some of his Dad's hungers… but got to the one great conclusion of life… Eccles. 12:13-14, “Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. 13 Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. 14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.”